At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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