When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
