Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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