I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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