question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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