Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
