Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
