I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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