He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
