I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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