Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
