I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
