it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
