You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
