I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
