It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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