your parents love me but you hate me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
