help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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