I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
