three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
