I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
