They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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