she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
