the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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