READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I FOUND THE LEGS
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
