We named our party play list daddy issues
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
