is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
