you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
