its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
