i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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