How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
