he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
