just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
