i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
