mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
