I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
