i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
