and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
