i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
