I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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