did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
