I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
