Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
