dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
