Whatcha textin bout Willis?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
