I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
