pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
