i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
