Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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