I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
